Phew! Two excruciating weeks of school exams are finally over... and I can now proclaim myself officially free. I still remember on Wednesday... it was the Physics paper and I was stuck at this question so I allowed myself to take a short break and look around a bit. (My question paper was covered in doodles and scrawles- something that happens when I'm trying to answer a question I know I won't be able to no matter how hard I try.) And to my right, my friend had his entire front page filled with enough pictures to string a few comic strips together. Along his row, to the top, these two guys from the next class were sleeping on their finished papers, 'snoring' quietly... no, on second thought they were actually breathing really heavilly and all... and then to my left a few people had these helpless looks on their faces, stealing glances at each other from across the aisle. It was hillarious! And I thought I was the only one who did not know half the answers! But on the other hand... we're doing pretty badly for first-class students.

On another note... my piano Grade six (ABRSM) exam results have finally arrived! I still remember picking up the phone with a mouthfull of speghetti in my mouth and realising that it was my teacher with the results! Imagine my little 'panic attack'. I was so nervous, clutching the phone and trying to gulp all that food down! But thank God I passed with Merit, not to mention really, really good marks for the three pieces. My teacher was really happy and all... it was just... brilliant... and wonderful. But I was a tad bit disappointed for not hitting the Distinction mark... oh well... and I know my dad was hoping for that. I promised to make it next year... at least 130 marks and get a distinction. Now my mum's counting me to get one for violin too. Haha... what joy...  

 

This is the third time this month that I've not bothered to go to school, mainly because I'd be better off studying on my own. Before anyone starts assuming anything, let me quickly add that nearly half the class has been doing this as well. A typical school day is spent wasting six hours learning nothing, and then going home too tired to study. What on earth is going on? Most teachers just want to finish the syllabus so they know they've done their job, and many don't care how its done, even if it means reading from the textbook at every lesson and not bothering at all when they know that three quarters of the class isn't even listening. It's just sickening. How can you blame us if we don't do well when the teachers themselves should be working hard to make sure we do? Honestly, if it weren't for my co-curricular stuff, school would be a living hell. I practically have to drag myself from one lesson to the next, and at the end of every day I feel so dead.

Anyway...

...on a lighter note, I'm going to watch STOMP on Sunday. Yay! At least it's something I get to look forward to, which will get me through the rest of the week. Until then... pray I don't start resorting to violence of any sort to unwind...

Bliss... two of our schoolteachers will be gone for two weeks, time at last for me to put in those needed hours of piano practice. Three more weeks to exam day!!!!! *has temporary panic attack* got to breathe... got to breathe.... arghhhh!!!!!!!!! My teacher is mean! Mean, mean, mean... just gotta tell myself it'll all be worth it in the end....

I hope...

It happened. The impossible happened yesterday evening...

I broke down entirely into a mess of frustration and tears. Me, the person who's always in control even under pressure, the one who always has a rational answer for every situation. Imagine everyone's shock. I was crying like a bloody child. Maybe the intense pressure finally got to me, I don't know. I'm just sick of trying to rationalise everything... trying to make sense of my life. But now that I've cried it all out I think I'm starting to make more sense of things.

Anyways, now that I've cleared that...

Today a very strange question was put before me. "Do you think that skipping a year in school has made you more mentally amture?" I was staring irediculously at my friend. I mean, what? I never thought of it that way, so I replied lamely, "Maybe." The fact is, I'm not even sure. Sometimes I look at the students my age and wonder what would have happened of me if I didn't make that leap. My social life revolves mostly around people up to three or four years older than myself, and I've hardly got close friends my age... at all. When my parents' friends look at me they shake their head in pity, but the fact is, it doesn't matter to me at all. So what if my friends are way older than me? So what if I do stuff that people my age hardly even think about? I admit it. I'm the youngest to have ever represented my school in debates and drama competitions against other schools in the city. I get sent to events and competitions usually reserved for seniors. But it all doesn't matter. Age is just a number, and I'm glad I've proven to others that I can do as well as they can, despite that.

It seems that nowadays, more often than not, the days just seem to pass me by in a hazy blur. If I was granted one wish, it would be to have more hours in a day... so many things to do, endless streams of work pouring in... till I don't know what do do with all of it anymore. The homework is piling up day by day, I've got so much planning and rehearsing to do for drama club, working my arse off to get a higher post on various commitees, being ordered around by the teachers, getting all my story chapters written, trying to settle several documents at once, studying to raise my failing exam marks, piano and singing practice, writing school magazine articles while the library computer goes bonkers... its driving me NUTS!!!! And I get only about six hours of sleep everyday, which is not alot for someone who's used to sleeping for eight. I've given up weekday reading, and stopped taking naps entirely... how I can survive, I have no idea. Today I asked my friend what keeps her sane, and her answer: nothing. I'm glad at least I've got God and music...to keep me going day by day. Hopefully this period of madness will pass soon.

Lately my family has been attending this new church on the other side of town, and its located, well, in the 'rich' area where most people are doctors, lawyers, and well-to-do businessmen. I don't see why my dad even likes the place, but it seems he's the only one who does in our entire family. I've had trouble since day one. First of all, the girls there are like foreign species of human beings who speak in an obviously-put-onn accent, wear miniskirts, constantly compare the brands of their clothing and chatter on and on about their cheerleading team uniforms. Every single article of clothing, right down to their accesories and underwear MUST be branded, not to mention the fact that some even wear expensive designer clothes. It scares me to death. And they flirt excessively with the guys, battering their eyelashes and such. Okay, that's fine, I mean, it's only on the outside right? They could be the most wonderful people when I get to know them... </p>

But no, no way. I have no idea what fills the space in those skulls of theirs, but its definately NOT brains. They are the stupidest, most stuck-up, fake, superficial bunch of people I have EVER met. It's like, these people don't have minds of their own, or even proper viewpoints on certain topics. They just go with what the others say, because if majority thinks so, then its the 'cool' thing to believe in. (Most of the time its a load of bollocks anyway...) And they're all so restrained... so rigid and composed to the point of driving me nuts. These girls never laugh, I mean like, REALLY laugh. All they do is giggle and smile... and look rather blank. I... I just have to stop picturing Paris Hilton in my mind's eye when I'm with them... ugh... its like those brainless blonde chicks from LA or something.   

Of course, not all rich people are like that. Its just these bunch of people... I don't know what's wrong with them. Sometimes I just want to scream and wipe that forced smile off my face because no matter what my parents think, I can never be like them. I just wish there would be at least one person who's still real amongst that sea of plastic clones. Besides, I've got much better things to spend my money on...

... and I should just go throw away those heels they thought were so cute on me... before I loose my mind due to excessive stress from trying to balance in them.

Horrible! Yesterday we did frog disection and oh, the horror! I was closing my eyes and cringing as I pinned its arms and legs to the board and sliced the skin open. Not to mention the bad fright I got when I lifted the ribcage and the heart was still pumping. I'll never, ever eat frog in my life, now that I know how horrid it is on the inside... ugh, I couldn't even eat my dinner properly.

Drama workshop is starting again at school, to spot talents for the interschool Drama Competition next year... and I've been selected to help run it along with 3 others. This is gonna be so much fun... I've never acted in a drama competition before, only in school productions. I do really hope we get some talented people this time, and maybe even win... although maybe that's just hoping for too much, but you never know... maybe that dorky, skinny fellow at the back of our class could be the next big thing? Ahahah... I can only hope. Anyways, the workshops are starting next month, and we've got a chance to run 3 before selecting a cast... and I'll be having loads of work to do.

Here I am attempting to type wth a badly sore hand and wrist, and indeed, it is the piano's fault... and partly mine. School exams are over, but the date for my piano exam will arrive anytime soon... now. And I am worried... and nervous... and scared... and freaking out... and probably putting too much pressure on myself, which has caused me to end up with a throbbing wrist for days. You see, my music teacher is currently out of the country in... Vienna, I think, or somewhere in Scandinavia... and won't be back for another week, after having been gone for the past two as well. Therefore I am expected to have improved A WHOLE, WHOLE, AMAZING LOT and throughly prepared by the time my teacher returns, and that explains why I am suddenly in a piano playing and singing frenzy. I HAVE to get a Distinction... or a Merit at least. A Pass is not good enough, that's what my teacher says...

Anyways, in between practice hours I've been reading. Quite alot, surprisingly. I finished 'The Da Vinci Code' last week, and am currently reading 'The Real History Behind the Da Vinci Code' by Sharan Newman, along with Anne Frank's 'The Diary of a Young Girl', Walter Scott's 'Ivanhoe', and Charles and Mary Lamb's 'Tales From Shakespeare'. But so far the best of the three has definately got to be The Diary of a Young Girl, although I've not gone really far yet into the book. It's really an experience to be reading about Anne's innermost thoughts and feelings, what she thinks about her parents, her friends, her family... some of the things she says are rather shocking but then I realise that we all feel that way sometimes. You read about her hopes, her dreams, her fears... and then, at the end, the realisation of how close she was to being saved sinks in... and it's just so heartbreaking.

I'll go back to reading now, and return to ramble about the whole book and all the others when I'm done.

Woohoo!!!! Exams are over and just in time for the holidays too... but not before our school's teacher's day celebration. The concert turned out better than expected today... audience was really enthusiastic, plus, all of us who were involved got FREE FOOD! That's enough to get me to do anything! Cause... I can't grow fat. Haha... yeah, so a two-week mid year break before getting back to school... In no time I'll be in college and the thought freaked me out a little...the fact that some people think I should take a year off before starting college and try to take it all slow and relaxed because I'm a year younger than everyone else. I mean, does that make any sense? Sure, I skipped a year and all but that doesn't mean I'm not old or smart enough to go to college when everyone does... haha... it's really weird. Should I or should I not... well... I most certainly wont! Stay at home when all my friends are off to college? Blah! No way.